As they try to cope with overwhelming feelings of rejection, uncertainty and unpredictability, some people look for diversions or distractions that help them deal with the unacceptable reality. This is what I call the "escapist's trap"; a subtle but dangerous game in which the mind creatively rearranges information, distorts situational cues, and misinterprets the meanings of certain messages, all in a clumsy attempt to avoid addressing the real problem s and avoid personal responsibility.
Quite often the mind engages in this dangerous game because there is part of the unacceptable reality that the person doesn't want to admit to even to him or herself , so he or she tries to place the blame for the unacceptable reality on someone or something else. These statements work as perceptual filters placed over reality only allowing in selective information that puts the blame for the unacceptable reality on someone or something else.
Even when empirical evidence suggests otherwise, the person finds ways to repress, minimize, misdirect, reinterpret or explain away information that does not filter through his or her perceptual filters.
Does Your Ex Want You Back Or Are You Refusing to Accept Reality?
Denial gives you the excuse to keep going unchanged because because facing reality is too painful This is perhaps not so surprising given the fact people who tend to creatively rearrange information, distort situational cues, and misinterpret the meanings of certain messages to create a contrived reality, are risk and pain averse in the first place.
They are so consumed with trying to avoid negative consequences and undesirable outcomes, to the point that they may not have even seen the breakup coming because they saw what they wanted to see or heard what they want to hear and didn't want to know, hear or see anything else that threatened their contrived view of reality.
Now that the relationship has ended, the entire focus of their energy, effort and time is another contrived reality.
And its not like the person is willfully lying. Its just that their reality becomes distorted, as they convince themselves about what is really going on. Instead of taking the necessary steps that will turn things around -- like being less needy or controlling, stop trying too hard to please, become more interesting and exciting, and all the other things may be making you less attractive, you are obsessed with getting your ex to go to therapy when he doesn't really need it; or you're trying to help an ex overcome commitment phobia when the reality is that she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with you because you're missing some of the qualities she's looking for in a guy; or you're doing no contact to try to make your ex miss you but only end up creating an even wider distance between the two of you.
What a waste of energy, effort and time! Escape from reality coupled with the feeling that you cant do anything at all puts you in a passive and dependent role -- a victim to whom things are done. You find yourself feeling like you lack the emotional and psychological resources necessary to deal with trying to get your ex back; spending a lot of our time deciding what to do; and constantly trying to stay positive and hopeful.
Yangki Christine Akiteng
And even if your ex needed therapy or has commitment issues or phobia, a contrived view of reality creates a poor or very false sense of understanding of the complexity and scale of problem you pretend to address or handle. Trying to simplify the problem in order to lower exposure to threat and risk confuses the mind further making any attempts at attracting an ex back much more difficult.
It is important to understand that the escapist trap or use of escapist strategies, on most part, is not a deliberate attempt to distort information or sabotage the chances of attracting back an ex back, but a rather a reaction to the complexity of uncertainty and the need to deny personal responsibility. Sometimes, people who use escape strategies to try to attract their ex back are not even aware of their real agendas, but present the problem, often with perfect integrity, as the way they see it.
If you are to succeed in attracting your ex back, it is imperative that you move beyond this denial as soon as possible. Your ex may even want you back, but the escapist strategies you're using make it hard to attract your ex back. And you wonder why nothing is working!
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Whether she's working one-on-one with a client or speaking to audiences, Christine's intellectual boldness, clarity of thought and active conscience appeals and resonates with many men and women seeking an authentic and wholistic approach to manifesting the loving and fulfilling relationship they long for and dream about. Her quiet exterior, soft-spoken voice, infectious good humor, humility and deep compassion has brought hope and healing to hundreds of singles spread across five continents.
sunicsonoovil.cf Christine is the author of three other helpful e-Books and over dating and relationships articles that have helped thousands worldwide transform the way they date and relate and increase their chances of attracting love and creating the relationships of their dreams. Take the Self Improvement Tour.
What Are The Odds? Articles published on SelfGrowth. Contacting Yangki Christine Akiteng Email: Free Self Improvement Newsletters.